The day started with much anticipation. I knew there was no work for Mark. I knew school had to be done. I knew that even though Mark had taken and passed a plumbing test for his license, it was the wrong test. We were not sure what to do about it, or what we should do next. We were not even sure if he could use the harder test he passed, to get the lesser license. But, the thing that weighed on me the most was that: I knew an old friend was coming by today and I was nerves. This friend and I use to have the greatest of friendships. We could discuss anything. We would share stories, hold each others children, and cry on each others shoulders. We shared birthdays, and always shared the Christmas season. We use to……………. Then something happened........... The friendship ended as quickly as it had began. A year went by and we talked very little. She prayed for my father and for Joe. I prayed for her, her sister, her mother, and other family members as each one of them went through some trial of life that I knew about. Even though we are neighbors, we really did not speak, wave, or see each other. I did not call it a friendship. I didn’t call it anything…….. I missed what was....... As another year went by, and life moved on. We both became pregnant again at the same time. This time it was me that miscarried and she had the beautiful baby. This time I understood her pain of losing a child better then I wanted too. The loneliness of the miscarriage was strong for me. During her pregnancy, for some reason, this old friend would send me ultra sound pictures of the child she was carrying. I would look at them, and as I did it was all very healing for me. As I looked at the pictures I prayed for the beautiful child.……I prayed for the health of the baby and I prayed for the health of this old friend. The baby arrived and as far as I knew everyone was healthy. Then Christmas came and I recieved a picture card, and a seasonal Christmas letter. I thought it was all a mistake, but read it anyway. It was nice to see the kids and know that everything seemed to be okay. Then, invitations to a blog came, agian I thought maybe it was still a mistake but then maybe it wasn't. Maybe, I should just take a look and say hello………….. I’m so glad I did. As I end my day today, I can go to bed with a smile on my face and a little more at peace……Even though the phone did not ring and there are no jobs for tomorrow. Today I know, Mark is a great test taker and taking the wrong test has turned out to be a good thing for us. ………….The old friend came and brought new friends................... Our two year old daughters played together for the first time. Her little boy played again with my very big boys. And, I enjoyed it all very much. Best of all......... I got to hold Leah……………and the old friend felt like she never left.
Am crying. Crying for that friend of yesterday that I know now I abandoned. I am so sorry, Lisa. I know I've said that before, but hear me please. am speaking straight from my old battered heart here: I'm so very sorry. And thank you for having the grace to "look and say hello". For allowing me a glimpse back into your beautiful world. Your selflessness humbles me. You have never been far from my thoughts. And I have no doubt the hand of the Lord is in that, as well as my "out of the blue" Christmas card and Blog invite. There's been so many times I've caught myself going to pick up the phone to call you to share something funny, or wanting to pass my driveway and pull into yours for a quick chat after returning from an errand. Instead, I would say, "No, she's got her hands so full." And, "It's been so long and things are so different.". Yes, you do have a blessed full plate....but PRAISE GOD "things" are no different!!! I felt like the old me and you when we were there! BTW, sorry to just suddenly scat. It took me an hour to get Leah down for a nap! If I miss that "window" with her, as I did, the results aren't pretty! I think one of the things that has bothered me the most is the lack of loyalty I executed in our friendship. It still makes my heart "cry out" when I think back on it. It's doubly disheartening because I also let myself down. I compromised my standards. Had always prided myself on being a very loyal friend. I believe that's where I messed up: "priding myself". Have learned the hard lesson that pride is a one way street with a dead end. I think what put me over the edge though was the Christmas holiday (which we had always made a point to spend some of it together) and a book I ran across a few weeks ago as I was putting our office back together after the construction madness had finally come to an end. Don't remember the ocassion, but the loving sentiment from one friend to another (you to me) in it made my spirit weep and "long for". And somewhere between then and now, that kicked my heart into gear which started the wheels turning in my mind: "I wanted that back!" So I started working through all the fears. I, too, was nervous before the visit. But now I rejoice! For as you so elegantly and simply put it, it felt like I never left. Can I keep you????????:):):):):) Think carefully on it, for by my honor, it would be for good this time. :):)
ReplyDeleteWow what a beautiful Blog, and so heartfull. I know very well how you missed M. You used to have such a good time together, you would laugh most of the times and always included her into your life. I know the boys missed her family, loved to laugh at Jake, he was so adorable wanting to be around the BIG boys. I am so glad that you two are back together, now I too can enjoy M and her beautiful babies. MOM
ReplyDelete"Then something happened........... The friendship ended as quickly as it had began."
ReplyDeleteThis happened to me and a friend I had once. This story really made me miss her.
You don't know me but I wanted to say good luck with reuniting your relationship.
May be I will call my friend.
I like your blog. The Bill story is really cute.
Wonderful! And this is what life is all about....good friends that truly last through the test of time.
ReplyDelete